


The Secrets We Keep

by Stennerd



Series: Hidden Truths [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Ace!Eddie, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bi!Buck, Buck and Eddie tell each other about their sexualities, Buck hasn't explicitly told anyone Except Maddie, Buck may also be there, Coming Out, Eddie goes to the LA Pride festival, Eddie hasn't told anyone about his sexuality, Light Angst, Mentions of Christopher and Hen, They are each other's person, They are of course fully supportive best friends, as they should be, one swear word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24999187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stennerd/pseuds/Stennerd
Summary: Eddie has never experienced a Pride festival before, and now that he's living in LA he takes the opportunity. But as much as he wanted to go without anyone finding out, luck had other plans and he happens to come across Buck who seemed just as shocked to see him as he was to see Buck.
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Hidden Truths [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809796
Comments: 27
Kudos: 148





	The Secrets We Keep

Eddie has never really considered going to a Pride festival before. When he first identified as asexual he was already in a committed relationship with Shannon and, well, the festival celebrations weren’t really a thing in El Paso when he was younger anyway, so it was never really occurred to him that it was something he wanted to go to until he moved to California. 

Now, he’s single _,_ living in LA, a city that is currently buzzing with this raw, untapped energy and adorned in so much colour that he can’t help but feel like this experience was something he missed out on up until now.

So, after long consideration, on his day off and with Christopher already at school, he decides to go to the LA Pride festival. Eddie has never really been the bold and loud type by any means and yet still wanting to be true to himself, he had gone out and bought himself an ace flag pin to wear on the black singlet he’d chosen to wear and also got himself some face paint to paint the flag on his shoulders.

Knowing that Hen was planning to attend the festival at some point with Karen, Eddie can’t help but feel slightly anxious because he loves them, Eddie hopes that he doesn’t see anyone he knows. It’s not that he’s ashamed or anything, it’s just that he’s never really told anyone about his sexuality, not even Shannon, and it’s not exactly what he pictured if and when he decided to tell them.

With a couple of empty water bottles in a small backpack, Eddie heads out to the parade, deciding to take the bus rather than having to deal with traffic and parking as he got closer to the festival. As soon as he steps off the bus, Eddie feels like he’s been transported to another world and he immediately feels the infectious excitement wash over him as he wanders through the masses. 

Being here was not like anything he could have imagined and he’s glad that he made the choice to come; Even though he missed the actual parade because they were on shift, he doesn’t feel like the experience is lacking, not with the number of other activities going on.

Taking his time walking along the street before being drawn to the plaza music stage, Eddie takes it all in, soaking up the energy. He spends a couple of hours listening to music until his stomach begins to grumble, signaling that it was time to eat some lunch, so Eddie starts to drift over to the main food section, perusing all the different foods available.

He can’t help but think as he does his first pass along the food section to decide on what to eat, that even though he came here for the experience, he thinks that the whole day could be made so much better by having someone else here to enjoy it with him. That’s not to say that he wasn’t enjoying himself, he just thinks it could be made even more enjoyable with a group of friends to have fun with.

Distracted by his thoughts he barely notices one of the girls from a small group of people knock his arm as they walk past him carrying a multitude of pride merchandise. Not thinking much of it, Eddie doesn’t say anything, seeing as there are so many people around, but she ends up stopping and so do the others that were with her.

When they see the flag painted on his arm, they converge on him with enthusiasm, complimenting him on his painting skills and giving him a rainbow beaded necklace to wear and a small hand-waver ace flag that they’d been carrying. It’s at this point he notices that each of them had multiple flags either in hand or painted on their faces, and the girl who apologised for knocking into him had a variation of the ace flag on one cheek and the bi flag on the other.

He gives her a small smile and thanks the others for their generosity before they continue on their way. As they move past him, he sees in the distance a large group of people huddled in a half-circle with their arms draped over each other’s shoulders as they jump up and down, boisterously singing a song he didn’t recognise.

Strangely, he was drawn to them because the longer he watched them, the more he began to recognise a voice, one that by now he knows off by heart, one that he could recognise above the din of any noise. As he scrutinises the group more, that’s when he saw him. No, surely that can’t be-

Buck?!

Eddie stared at him in confusion, no wonder he didn’t recognise him to begin with, Buck was adorned in every article of clothing he could find that had pink, blue or purple. He was even wearing the bi flag tied to him like a cape and plastic tri-coloured glasses. He looked so carefree and uninhibited, singing along with the rest of the group he was with.

Crap. As much as he was best friends with Buck, he didn’t want to be seen here. But as luck would have it, just as he thinks that, Buck’s eyes land on him. And even from this distance, he could see a number of emotions flit across his face. Confusion. Recognition. Shock. Before settling on panic.

Not wanting to deal with this situation and hoping that he can play dumb the next time he sees Buck, Eddie looks away seeing a path between the food stalls that would allow him to disappear into the crowds. As he flees, he could hear Buck calling out to him, but he couldn’t stop, he didn’t want to face him, not yet, he’s not ready for that conversation.

Fate didn’t seem to agree with him however because even after he thought he’d managed to blend into the crowds and lose sight of Buck some 10 minutes ago, he’s brought back to reality, when he feels someone snag his wrist and pulls him away from the group that he had tried to hide in.

“Eddie,” Buck breathes, when they finally stop in a surprisingly secluded spot, “I thought that was you.”

Looking at Buck, Eddie could see that he seemed flushed from his search, and despite his fear of being recognised, he was also somewhat relieved that out everyone he knows, he’s glad that it was Buck that saw him.

“I guess you found me,” Eddie says with a shrug unable to meet his gaze, embarrassed that Buck had managed to catch him out from running away, something that he has never been known to do ever.

Buck, as always reads him like a book and sees how uncomfortable he is in this situation. Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie could see Buck with a far-away look, biting his lip as he scratches behind his ear. “Listen, I could go away and pretend I didn’t see you if that’s what you want me to do. But if you’d rather, we could always go and get an expensive beer and food and just sit together. I’m sure you’re hungry.”

Eddie gives him his full attention at that, Buck was giving him an easy out and he was so very tempted to take it. Except, he remembered the look on Buck’s face when he first spotted him. Buck was just a panicked to see him as he was to see Buck. Maybe he wasn’t as out and proud as he appeared, and come to think of it, Eddie couldn’t recall Buck mentioning coming to the festival either when Hen said that she was going.

Looking down at his watch, Eddie remembers that he’s supposed to be picking Christopher from school soon, which also meant that he should be leaving soon if he was going to make it in time to get home and clean up before going to collect him.

“I-um, I want to stay, I really do, but I should get going if I want to be home in time to get Chris from school.”

“Oh." He says sounding crestfallen, "Well, you should go then, wouldn’t want to keep Chris waiting.” Despite sounding okay with his departure, Eddie couldn't stand to see Buck sad. 

Putting his hand on Buck’s shoulder, Eddie reclaims his attention. “Hey, why don’t you come over tonight for dinner and-,” He looks away and pauses, weighing up this decision, before looking back at Buck, “-and we can talk about everything.”

Immediately he could see Buck light up at the idea, which is exactly what he hoped for. “Yeah, okay, that sounds good.”

** ** **

It was hours later after dinner was eaten and Chris had been put to bed, that they finally got the time that Eddie promised.

Settling back on the couch, Eddie hands Buck a fresh beer and takes a long draw from his own. Talking about this kind of thing does not come easy and he needed all the time he could get to give Buck the conversation he deserved.

Buck, for his part, seemed to be content with just sitting peacefully and watching TV, not looking to press him to talk until he was ready. Instead, though, he was the first to speak, recognising that Eddie just wasn’t there yet.

“Besides you, only Maddie knows that I’m bisexual. When I was a teenager, she accidentally walked in on me and my best friend making out. He was my first and last boyfriend for a long time. The school that I went to wasn’t very accepting, or at least the kids weren’t. If you were in a same-sex relationship, you were shunned. And when they found out about us, well, let’s just say the relationship didn’t last much longer and it was a lonely three years after that.” Buck pauses and takes a sip of his beer, which until now, had been sitting untouched on his knee.

Eddie clears his throat, unsure of what to say after Buck falls into a pensive silence. “I-uh didn’t know that you were bi.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to think I wasn’t straight, honestly. I didn’t pursue any male partners for a long time after school, mostly because of that history alone along with the fear that I would once again become an outcast. I only really started feeling comfortable with my sexuality again when I moved to LA.” He makes a face, “In saying that though when I first got to the 118, I was more obvious about my relationships with women more than men, so I could see why everyone assumed I was straight.”

Buck finally shifts his focus off the TV and looks at Eddie properly. “I guess what I’m getting at, is that I haven’t explicitly told anyone at the station and when I saw you today, I felt like I was back at school again, about to be outed without the chance of doing it myself.”

Eddie moves closer to Buck and puts a hand over his, looking at him earnestly. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. I hope you know that I would never purposefully go out of my way to tell anyone. I saw the look on your face when you realised I spotted you.”

“I wasn’t worried – actually that’s a lie, I was a little worried. But Eddie, besides my sister, you’re the person I trust the most. And, after today, I had a feeling that maybe you might understand more than anyone.”

“I- Uh…yeah…” Eddie averts his gaze and takes another swig of his now slightly warm beer.

He can see out of the corner of his eye Buck watching, waiting patiently, for him to say something, anything and he just doesn’t know if he can.

And then Buck gently wraps his hand around the wrist of the hand that he hasn’t yet moved from its place on top of Bucks. “Eddie, you don’t have to say anything if you’re not ready, it’s okay. You don’t have to just because I did, but I want you to know that you’re safe with me, whatever you decide.”

Eddie uses his free hand and scrubs at his face. “Ugh, no it’s not that… I want to tell you, it’s just that … fuck… I don’t know how! I’ve never told anyone about this before.”

“Um…right, okay; Would me asking questions help?”

Eddie shrugs and then nods, “I-um… I think so, yeah that might help.”

Buck purses his lips, thinking of what to start with. “So, you’re asexual, right? That was the flag you were wearing?” Eddie nods again, confirming that Buck was correct.

“Did you figure this out recently or is it something you’ve known for a while?”

“It’s something that I’ve known since the beginning of my relationship with Shannon. I never really dated in high school cause I just didn’t feel the need to. It took me a while to realise that I didn’t really find anyone particularly attractive.”

He huffs out a sigh and pulls his hand away from Buck’s, instead looking down to worry his thumb over the paper label of his beer. “Honestly, I wasn’t really physically attracted to Shannon to begin with, but we clicked when we first met, and I hadn’t really had that kind of connection with anyone before, so I thought, yeah maybe this is what it's supposed to feel like. We took it really slow which she seemed fine with and we didn’t actually get intimate until after we got married.”

He pauses as he tries to find the words to make the next part make sense, Buck must have been able to tell because he gently takes hold of his wrist and it helps Eddie to find his words.

“It was strange though, I became more affectionate the more I knew about her. Maybe it was because we had been together for so long, but I felt more attracted to her as time when on and as I got to know her more on a deeper level. But she is, _she had been_ , the only person I’ve ever been somewhat attracted to.”

After that, he falls quiet, not really sure when else there was to say. He knows about the stigma around asexuality and that there are people out there that don’t believe it to be a real sexuality, it was one of the reasons why he didn’t want to or feel the need to tell anyone.

But he’s sure that Buck wouldn’t be someone like that, Eddie can’t imagine him being that kind of person. In saying that though, Buck hasn’t made a sound for the last few minutes since he stopped talking, but he also hasn’t pulled away either, still keeping his warm hand around his wrist.

Peeking at Buck from the corner of his eye, Eddie could see that Buck was sporting a thoughtful expression with a slightly furrowed brow and looked as though there was something he wanted to say.

“Buck?”

Buck shakes himself out of his thoughts and refocuses on Eddie, “Oh, sorry.” Giving Eddie his full attention, Buck changes his hand position and places it on his shoulder, “I appreciate that you felt comfortable to trust me with this. Thank you.”

Buck opened and closed his mouth a couple of times almost as if he wasn’t sure whether or not to say what was on his mind. “What is it Buck?”

“Eddie, have you ever heard of the term demisexuality?”

Out of all the things that Buck could have said, this was not what he expected. “I- uh, no? I can’t say that I have. Where are you going with this Buck?”

Well, it's just something that I read a while ago and what you said about Shannon reminded me of it. Basically, demisexuality is a subcategory of asexuality. The only main difference is that someone who is demi does feel sexual attraction but only with people they have formed close, intimate bonds with.” Buck rushes on, “But I’m not saying that that’s what you are, I just thought maybe its something that you might resonate with.”

Eddie didn’t know what to say. He never knew that there were _subcategories_ of asexuality, he just thought it was its own thing and that was it. This changed things, and yet what Buck was describing felt right too. His relationship with Shannon had always seemed like a blip that didn’t seem to fit with true asexuality.

“Eddie? Talk to me man, if that doesn’t feel right we can always research more on it together or I can dro-”

“Thank you,” he eventually manages to breathe out, interrupting whatever else Buck was about to say, “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Buck shrugs, looking somewhat bashful. “Eh, what are best friends for, besides we said that we’d have each other’s back didn’t we.”

Eddie can’t help but grin back at him, “Yeah, I suppose we did.”

They talk for longer than he expected them to and by the end of it, they had decided that at least for now, they would keep what they told each other to themselves. By the time Buck had left to go home, Eddie was ready for bed, feeling exhausted but lighter than he ever thought possible.

**Author's Note:**

> This work was something I wanted to get done before the end of Pride Month and I was heavily inspired by my amazing friend [@judsonryder](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/judsonryder) who helped with this idea! If you want you can yell at me [@captainstennerstar](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/captainstennerstar)
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated  
> Thanks for reading xx


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